Week 33: The Flow

I'm trying to go with it, and I didn't really cook this week.

My week

This week has been a bit chaotic, to be honest. In a good way! But chaotic none the less.

Historically, I struggle when things are “up in the air.” I like to have a clear sense of what’s going on now, in an hour, tomorrow, and next week. As a kid, I would plan my Halloween costumes years in advance. I tend to keep my ducks in a row, exactly the way I like them.

As I get older, though, I’ve been trying to get better at relinquishing control. I notice myself, without even thinking, micromanaging everyone around me. “Don’t stack the dishes that high!” “Make sure to turn on the vent fan!” “If you fold your shirt like that it’ll wrinkle!”

It’s not a flattering look for me. I do trust my friends and family to manage their daily lives. I don’t know why I feel the need to get involved, but I often have to bite my tongue to stop myself from giving instructions. It’s something I’ve been working on. Letting go.

Really, at the core of it, I have to accept that I don’t know the best way to do everything. I need to be open to what the world and other people have to teach me, rather than trying to impose my own order upon everything.

This is a lesson I’ve really been trying to hold onto this week. My work schedule has been unpredictable, I’ve hardly had a chance to cook, and (minor detail) we have thirteen people staying in my four bedroom apartment this weekend. One bathroom.

Don’t ask me why they all decided to show up at the same time. I’m just going with the flow!

We are currently halfway through the wave of guests, and so far it’s been really fun. I’m trying not to have any expectations. I’m excited to see all the people who are visiting, so the chaos of a crowded apartment is small potatoes. I will take it as it comes.

I’d be lying, though, if I said that this week hasn’t been testing my limits. In fact, here’s a short list of things that have been testing my limits this week:

• There were two reservations at my restaurant at the same time: a party of five and a party of six. When they arrived, they turned out to be one big party of eleven, and they asked to be seated together. “I see,” I said, “let me just ask the maitre d’ if we can do that.” Once I told the maitre d’, her eyes went wide. “Oh no, we can’t do that,” she said. “We take deposits for a reservation that big, and they didn’t pay the deposit. They have to sit separately.” I returned to the guests and informed them that they couldn’t sit together. Whereupon the maitre d’ appeared and said to the customers, “We should be able to get you a table together, I’m working on it right now.” THIS IS FINE. It’s fine. I don’t know why the maitre d’ threw me under the bus or whether it was even intentional. But it’s fine if those customers think I’m incompetent and unaccommodating. It literally doesn’t matter, so I will not make a big deal of it.

• A bunch of my friends wanted to get a treat for breakfast this morning. I was torn between wanting to save money and not wanting to be a stick in the mud. “Treat, treat, treat!” my friends were chanting. I couldn’t decide what to do, and it was unclear to me how immediately we were leaving. I really wanted to take a shower. However, amidst all the chanting, I couldn’t catch anybody’s attention to ascertain what the actual plan was. Eventually the crowd dispersed and I don’t think anybody ever got a treat at all. This situation was fine, and there was no reason for me to be stressed about it. There was no plan, and that is okay.

• My manager texted me a few days ago asking me to start my shift four hours later than I had been planning. They just didn’t have enough reservations to justify me being there for my whole shift. I was pretty upset because I just lost four hours of pay, but it wound up being fine. I think I’m going to pick up a shift on Saturday to make up for it. It’s okay that my weekly schedule shifted around. It’s okay!!!

Life is difficult when I expect consistency and predictability. Life is more entertaining and manageable when I accept that whatever happens will happens. I’m really, really trying to get better at that.

What I made

NOTHING! And that’s fine. I’m just going with the flow.

I did have these warm lentils with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt, and pepper while boyfriend and I played cribbage.

Also this nostalgic delicacy, which I call an egg in the hat. You might know it as a toad in the hole. Or something else.

What I learned

I learned that everything will be okay.

Maybe next week I’ll have more food to share, and maybe I won’t! We’ll see where the flow takes us.

Thanks for reading! :)